Several weeks ago, I felt like God was speaking to me about where I was putting my faith and trust with this tumor.  Was I putting my ultimate trust in him that he would bring healing to my body, or was I putting all of my faith and trust in the treatments that I’ve been doing?  Easy answer.  I was putting my hope in these treatments, and was sure that they are what is saving my life right now.  God was just a part of my life, but not my complete hope for healing.  He gave me peace and grace when I asked for it, but it was becoming just a prayer of convenience.  My prayer was “thank you God for providing the resources that I need to fight this tumor”.  And while this is right and true, my first prayer should be “thank you God for the healing that you are doing in my life, because I am only here by your grace and mercy.”

Well, that has changed.  God was having a one-sided conversation with me about it for several days.  I knew what I needed to do, but my gut reaction was “that is absolutely crazy!”  When I finally heeded to his prompting in my heart, I decided that I needed to stop all treatment that I was doing for the next four weeks before my scans.  I needed to be put in a position where my faith and hope for healing is totally dependent upon him because I don’t have the other treatment to fall back on.  It is in his hands, and I need to trust him in that.

This is so typical of God, and I love it.  It was a Tuesday and I was going to see my doctor the next day to tell him my decision.  I jumped back and forth about what I was really going to decide to do about every ten minutes.  That morning was my first morning of starting Bible Study Fellowship.  One of the main themes of that morning’s study?  The faith that Martha had to have in Jesus to be able to ask for the stone to be rolled away from Lazarus’ tomb.  The question that was presented to us as we were wrapping up was “what is your stone that is getting in the way of your faith?”  Ok, God.  You could not say it more loud and more clear than this.  So it was that moment that my decision was final.

I have been off of treatment for three weeks now.  If I would have known how I would feel after laying this tumor down completely in his hands a year ago, I would’ve stopped doing treatment then.  (but he wasn’t asking me to do that at that time).  God has been amazing.  The peace, comfort and closeness that I feel with him is indescribable, and it makes me so grateful that he loves me enough to keep knocking on the door of my heart to be obedient to him.  I have been so blessed by this step of obedience.  I feel free from the burden of this tumor.  Not to say that I still don’t struggle with trusting God completely.  It’s a choice I have to make on a daily basis because I like to be in control of making plans and then having back-up plans for those.  But that isn’t what this is about.

Scans will happen on February 23rd, so your prayers for continued trust and for God’s healing touch on my body means more to me than you’ll ever know.  I’m so blessed by everybody that is loving me and interceding for me in prayer.  SO blessed.

So watch out.

God is on the move and he’s doing great things…