I recently had a PET and MRI scan done on December 1st.  Both scans are showing the tumor to be stable.  Amazing news!  We decided after the last scan to take out the chemo (Temodar) and just do the natural IV treatment that I’ve been doing over the past 18 months.  We didn’t really feel like we were taking much of a risk because I only did 1 round of chemo in the 2 months before the scan that showed a reduction in tumor size.  Our rationale is that this chemo is known to make these tumors act more aggressively (you can read about this study here), so if we can keep my tumor under control with just natural means, and especially shrink it up some more, then that is definitely the path we want to take.

So the plan now is to keep alternating a week of DMSO, followed by a week of high dose vitamin C.  We won’t resume chemo unless something changes down the road.  My oncologist agreed that this was a good plan, and actually wouldn’t prescribe me more chemo when I met with her the other day.  She thought it was illogical to be on chemo if your tumor isn’t growing when you’re not on it.  What a breath of fresh air she is.

Even though I’m extremely blessed with a tumor that is not acting aggressively, I’ve been struggling with a bit of depression lately.  I’m so ready for life to just be ‘normal’, whatever that really means.  It’s hard not to get discouraged by having to carve time out of everyday to deal with this tumor.  It’s physically and emotionally draining having to do treatment on a daily basis.  My brain tumor is never far from our thoughts.  It’s extremely expensive to do what I’m doing, so the financial strain adds to all of the emotions, as well.  A lot of people in the ‘cancer world’ talk about living life from scan to scan.  It’s not a healthy outlook, but it is one that is hard to avoid.  After I have a scan, I’m already thinking about the next scan not too far down the road.  There are some people in my life that have told me “where’s your faith?”  A very unfair (and insensitive) question coming from somebody that is not being faced with a life threatening illness.  I am human.  I am young.  I have a family that I want to take care of for the next 50 years.  It’s hard not to focus on that.

But I do know that I serve a God that can heal.  He knows what I need, when I need it, how I need it.  Do I believe that he will heal me of this tumor?  Yes!  But until then, I’m going to struggle with my human-ness.  Not everyday is going to be an easy day.  God has been so good to me throughout this journey, so I know that he is there.  He is definitely there.  I am so thankful for all of your prayers and encouragement.  I would be lost without that.  I would be lost without God in all of this.

He loves me.  He’ll take care of me.  He’ll heal me.

And then we’ll stand in awe of all of it.